Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
