What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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