what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
