I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
