my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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