Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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