My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
