Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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