i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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