Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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