do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
