Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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