oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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