is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
