It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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