my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
