My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
