i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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