1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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