I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
