I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
