just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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