apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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