Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
