i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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