My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
