fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
