You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
