put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
