I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
