You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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