i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
