ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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