You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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