never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
