He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
