Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
