what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
