Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
