Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
