I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
