Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
