you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And then he peed in my hair
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