I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize