be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
