so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
