Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
