you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
