Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
