So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize