spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
