I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize