Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
