nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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