I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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