Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
