I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
