Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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