And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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