You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
