all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize