Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
